human x (humanx) wrote,
human x

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!---in an interstellar burst---I am back to save the universe---!

I was gone from lj for a while, which is distinguishable from my usual silence by the fact that I also wasn't listening. My friendspage was suffering from hideous bloat, as people and communities on all kinds of topics were mixed up, and an hour could easily bring 100 posts. I haphazardly checked a few personal journals here and there, but the obsessive-refreshing of the golden days was long gone. I found myself actually having anxiety attacks over it - not just the bloat, but the whole thing. The idea of tossing myself into a pool of random emotions and experiences was suddenly as appealing as tossing myself into a pool of warm tapioca with the occasional small hard green thing thrown in.

I suppose it was Passion that broke it for me. I made that huge post, and found myself without the energy to reply to the replies, though some were quite interesting or wanted addressing. I'm not sure if the depth of my fear and horror surrounding this film and its hype came across; I do know that they were amplified by my own binge on religious communities, here and elsewhere. Other people's religion, I'm finding, is like candy to me - shiny, pretty candy that sparkles and tastes of exotic if not totally imaginary fruit. I can't keep my hands out the jar, and it gives me an awful tummyache sometimes.

Stressing about life, the universe, and the possibility of a religious civil war, I put a blanket over my head for a while. Peeking out I see that the sky is not as fire, the sea is not as blood, and the Eye has not Opened over a scorched and twisted land.

Not only that, but some of my personal wars have subsided. As of today, I'm no longer doing phone sex calls for a living. Instead, I'm dispatching phone sex calls for a living. After almost two years I no longer work at home - amazingly, I'm quite happy about that, as it was finally starting to get to me - and I'm back doing what I always done, reception, customer service, and etc. The sheer joy of talking to these guys for no more than a few minutes, and sometimes being able to say 'No' to them, isn't going to wear off for a while. I find myself very well-disposed toward them now, damn near friendly-feeling, and have abruptly gone from dreading my shifts to looking forward to going to work.

And I just finally made several filters to make friendspage management a breeze. When I last worked in an office, back in Brooklyn, me and lj were like best friends, and it seems the truce is on again. I might even start posting regularly, you never know.
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